BFD

It’s not his fault
That she went A.W.O.L.
‘Cause he tried everything from A to Z
Now it’s J & B, M & M’s, and K.F.C
Tryin’ hard to make himself believe

It ain’t no B.F.D. ’cause he’s got CMT
No S-E-X but that’s OK
At least it he ain’t no S.O.B. like that PHD
Who took his “ex” and ran off to L.A.

She liked CNN
Made fun of his TNN
Always called it E-I-E-I-O
Their love is R.I.P.
At least he’s F-R-E
And he ain’t cryin’ on his P-I-L-L-O 

It ain’t no B.F.D. ’cause he’s got CMT
No S-E-X but that’s OK
At least it he ain’t no S.O.B. like that PHD
Who took his “ex” and ran off to L.A.

One night he ordered pizza for some R&R with the N.F.L.
And a delivery girl named Lisa stole his heart when she rang his bell

Now they’re in X-T-C
As anyone would be
No S-E-X — yet but that’s AOK

He feels just like a V.I.P
‘Cause of all her T.L.C.
And A.S.A.P. she’ll be his fiancé
And that’s a B.F.D in a real good way

© 1997 Craig Carothers / Don Henry / Irving Music BMI / Two Bagger Music BMI / Bonny Black Music BMI
Warner-Tamerlane BMI / Warner-Tamerlane Nomad Noman BMI

WHAT PART OF OVER?

What part of over don’t you understand
It’s time to move on now, best make other plans
Try to forget me as fast as you can
What part of over don’t you understand

It wasn’t all ugly, you had some good years
But now she doesn’t love you and she’s made that clear
She’s filed an injunction, a writ of restraint
You still long to see her, but the law says you caint

What part of over don’t you understand
It’s time to move on now, best make other plans
Try to forget me as fast as you can
What part of over don’t you understand

You hide in the bushes, you go through her mail
If you keep it up boy, you’re gonna wind up in jail
She’s tried to convince you with buckshot and lead
If her aim gets much better, you’ll get it through your thick head

What part of over don’t you understand
It’s time to move on now, best make other plans
Try to forget me as fast as you can
What part of over don’t you understand

© 1999 Craig Carothers / Lonnie Melvin Tillis / Irving Music BMI / Luxurious Music BMI / Warner-Tamerlane BMI

MORE FOR ME

The world is shrinking, and I’ve been thinking
How ominous the future seems to be
Everybody needs to make the sacrifice to simplify their lives
And that would guarantee

More for me, more for me
You think it’s not fair tell someone who cares
But who would that be?
More for me, more for me
Give up what you’ve got and there’ll be a lot
More for me

It’ll be an adjustment, but I’ve always believed
That everyone should give... and I should receive
’Cause there’s so many people that it’s plain to see
It would be best if you could take less and leave more for me

More for me, more for me
’Cause there’s never enough so fork over your stuff
Immediately
More for me, more for me
Just give up what you’ve got and there’ll be a lot
More for me

You can have squat and I’ll have a lot
More for me

The world is shrinking...

© 2000 Craig Carothers / Angela Kaset / Irving Music BMI / Luxurious Music BMI / Purple Sun Music SESAC / Red Dove SESAC

THE SLEEPING SONG

Birds won’t stop tweeting
They're just competing
With airplanes and cars that go by
To force me to open my eyes
When I'm sleeping

Outside my window
The garbage men tiptoe
As loud as they possibly can
I think it’s all part of the plan
To keep me from Sleeping
What is the deal with those people who yell on the street?
Or attach things that jingle and click to the souls of their feet?
When I'm sleeping

Out in his backyard
Some big tub of lard
Is hammering something to death
If I’d put him and that hammer to rest
I could be sleeping

That same car alarm that got yesterday started too soon
Is convincing a choir of canine to strike up a tune
So much for sleeping

Children are playing
And a part of me is saying
“Hey, what’s one or two fewer tots?”
The traffic would cover the shots, and I could be sleeping
Just one more unthinkable thought
That comes from not sleeping
I should be sleeping
Dear God, sleeping
Sleeping

© 2001 Craig Carothers / Randy Sharp / Bonny Black Music BMI / With Any Luck Music BMI 

OPEN MIKE

Michael always signs-up every Thursday
He wants to sing here in the worst way
And That’s just what he does with his guitar

I’m glad he’s not ashamed to share his feelings
But his songs are too revealing
It’s pure torture to sit through his repertoire

Open Mike, open Mike writes the songs that no one likes
And his stories just go on and on and on
We came here to hear our friends, but his confessions never end
It’s just another long, long night of open Mike

He’ll tell you all about his operation
Tax return and Iowa vacation
Plodding through his weekly sing-along

He doesn’t care about rhythm, or meter, or time
It doesn’t matter if the words don’t... match
As long as he can spill his guts out in a song

Open Mike, open Mike writes the songs that no one likes
And his stories just go on and on and on
We came here to hear our friends, but his confessions never end
It’s just another long, long night of open Mike

One night he caught us laughing, and as he headed for the door
He said now you won’t have Mike McMichaels to kick around anymore...

Michael disappeared for a month of Sundays
Then he just showed up one day
And we all felt real bad for what we’d done

He sang a new song about the music business
And a darn good song about forgiveness
And a third song that went straight to number one

Open Mike, open Mike wrote a song that millions like
Now his royalties go on and on and on and on and on
We were laughing with our friends, but the last laugh in the end
Will be the copyright of open Mike

© 1999 Craig Carothers / Don Henry / Irving Music BMI / Luxurious Music BMI /
Warner-Tamerlane BMI / Warner-Tamerlane Nomad Noman BMI

THE NUCLEAR SONG

Nuclear radiation think of the changes we'll see
With all our funny mutations oh! how efficient we'll be

People will look like the places they were when the mishap occurred, oh well
We'll all be clad in the last thing we had in our hands the melted look has to sell

Chromosomal division two heads are better than one
Molecular indecision progress was never this fun

Soon we'll be able to swim in the ground and glow in the dark and that's keen and
We will mate with a snake on a lark and we'll be mammalfowlreptilines

The fish will learn all there is to know about swimming upside down
We won't live in fear for thousands of years we just won't be around

And with atomic nutrition think of the dishes we'll make
We'll speed up natural selection turn up the climate to bake

And all will be lost in our own holocaust that we brought on by canning the ban
Population will be self imposed fricassee when the truth leaks out into the land

And when we're all breathing plutonium won't it be great?
Then the oceans will be seething two million degrees (centigrade)

And when hanford breaks down and our genes stir around
We'll just ooze up and live in a tree
And when trojan explodes we'll grow a new nose
On our wrist where our hands used to be

Babe, you and me we will live in a tree and be inseparably fused.

© 1976 Craig Carothers / Bonny Black Music BMI

THE FIGHT SONG

All you ever do is fight
I hear your dishes hit the walls
As you throw them in the night
At his head

But he's not slow to even up the score
As he chases you in frenzy
And soon I hear you hit the floor
But you're not dead

You can call each other names if you want to
Bicker 'bout the blame for the hell you go through
Kill each other dead if that's what it comes to
But do you have to be so loud

Day & night, & night & day
Your house & home have met destruction
A marathon of Teté Teté to ne sure

Left & right and into the kitchen
Pull an electric knife and stand your ground
You know there are no safe conditions in a mobile home

You can call each other names if you want to
Bicker 'bout the blame for the hell you go through
Kill each other dead if that's what it comes to
But do you have to be so loud

Sleep was always dear to me
My privacy was near to sacred
And I've tried my best to be a diplomat & a good neighbor

But tonight you went too far
What with the napalm & the chain saws
And I saw you for what you are
Or what you were

You can call each other names if you want to
Bicker 'bout the blame for the hell you go through
Kill each other dead if that's what it comes to
But do you have to be so loud

...and now you won't be so loud

© 1992 Craig Carothers / Bonny Black Music BMI

MEXICAN CAFE

I pulled into a tiny cafe on the Mexican border
And the waitress said something I think meant,
“May I take your order?”
Her eyes were the color of coal
But no habla Español, unfortunately

Still it seemed like that goddess in gingham couldn't keep her eyes off me
So I said, “huevos rancheros, guacamole, salsa, and...coffee”
She disappeared with a wink
And I started to think...

She’s been waiting for me all her life
I could take her away from all this
She could be mine, leave her apron behind
With just one little word from her lips
I could take her away from all this

She brought me my coffee, silverware, sugar and cream
Then she went back to the kitchen, and I went back to my dream
Where I wait ‘til the end of her shift
Then I say, “do you need a lift?”
And she says, “si”

But three hour later I met my new waiter named “Juan”
And when I asked of my sweetheart, he said, “Carmelita?, she’s gone”
I guess I missed my chance
To tell her of our big romance

That she’s been waiting for me all her life
I could take her away from all this
Yeah, my lady of Spain could’ve shared my last name
But now she’ll never know what I've missed

That she’s been waiting for me all her life
I could take her away from all this
And there’s a little cafe on the street where I live
Where she would’ve made excellent tips
I could take her away from all this

© 1996 Craig Carothers / Steve Seskin / Irving Music BMI / Two Bagger Music BMI / Bonny Black Music BMI /
Love This Town Music ASCAP / David Aaron Music ASCAP

MISSING ME

She’s pickin’ up the dishes
In pieces on the floor
And pullin’ out the silver
Embedded in the door

When I’ve been out drinkin’
And try to sneak home late
She don’t throw tantrums
She just throws plates

Missing me, missing me
We may fight, but I’ll be alright
As long as she keeps
Missing me

She loves to toss a salad
And she can really chuck a roast
I’ve had to duck a turkey
And miss the gravy boat

I never used to worry
Let the chips lay where they fall
But hell hath no fury
Like a woman with a bowling ball

Missing me, missing me
We may fight, but I’ll be alright
As long as she keeps
Missing me

She went to see the doctor
He stared into her eyes
And she came home wearin' glasses
Now I think I'm gonna cry

Cause now she's 20-20
And it don't look good for me
I sure miss the good old days
Back when she use to be..

Missing me, missing me
We may fight, but I’ll be alright
As long as she keeps
Missing me

© 1997 Craig Carothers / Don Henry / Irving Music BMI / Two Bagger Music BMI / Bonny Black Music BMI /
Warner-Tamerlane BMI / Warner-Tamerlane Nomad Noman BMI

HAVE ANOTHER DRINK

Have another drink
Have another drink
Don't you worry 'bout it
What the other people think

Have another drink
Have another drink
Though you're on the floor
You could use some more
Have another drink

Bathtub gin or bourbon
Bottled beer on Grand Marnier
Might be scotch and soda
Might be Tanqueray
Cuervo don't te-quil-ya
Move on up to rum
Have the bartender pour you
Some flaming 151

Have another drink
Have another drink
Though you're on the floor
You could use some more
Have another drink

Now you're gettin' sloppy
You're barfin' on your friends
But that ain't gonna stop you
You don't know how to say when
Pour another tall one
Gag that baby down
We'll wake you in the morning
With the early morning rounds

Have another drink
Have another drink
Though you're on the floor
You could use some more
Have another drink

© 1981 Craig Carothers / Bonny Black Music BMI

TOO MANY HOLES

I always liked the sparklin’ bangles that dangled from her lobes
And I got used to the diamond on the left side of her nose
Now there’s a gold hoop on her eyebrow and another on her lip
But she’s gone too far, she’s got a tongue with a platinum tip

Time and again I tried to warn her
‘Bout all those punctures that adorn her
But she never listened to a word I said
Now she’s got too many holes in her head

Too many holes in her head
Too many holes in her head
She insists that it’s not painful ‘cause all the nerves are dead
She’s got too many holes in her head

It’s a fairly standard practice when you do it to your ears
But she could’ve hugged a cactus and had fewer places pierced
And I know she likes the ornaments of precious stones and gold
But I don’t understand why she needs so many bleedin’ holes

It’s not that I don’t respect her
It’s just annoying when she sets off the airport metal detector

Too many holes in her head
Too many holes in her head
She insists that it’s not painful ‘cause all the nerves are dead
She’s got too many holes in her head

Too many holes in her head
Too many holes in her head
She says I ain’t seen nothin. ‘wait ‘til she does her belly button
She’s got too many holes in her head

© 1981 Craig Carothers / Tim Ellis / Bonny Black Music BMI

REPEAT YOURSELF

You don't need to repeat yourself so much
You don't need to repeat yourself so much
You don't need to repeat yourself so much

I'll get the message the first time you tell me
I'll get the message the first time you tell me
I'll get the message the first time you tell me

Say what you mean would you say what you mean
What'd you say?
What'd you mean?
What'd you say?
What'd you mean?
What'd you say?

I'll get the message the first time you tell me
I'll get the message the first time you tell me
I'll get the message the first time you tell me

© 1977 Craig Carothers / Bonny Black Music

ALL YOUR MARBLES ARE GONE

You can keep it from all of your friends
But we know, yes, we know
Keep it secret and you try to pretend no one knows
But we know, yes, we know

There's no use in hiding
Concealment's inviting a show and tell
You're all gone upstairs
So let everyone stare what the hell

All your marbles are gone
All your marbles are gone
Aye yai they gone bye-bye
But your body goes on

Well, your family is worried to death
And they're nervous, at the end of their wits
But I told them don't be holding their breath
'Cause their kid is a schitz

Manic depressive, hypnotic suggestive
A vegetable
Whacko bananas, I think a good plan is
To lock you up

All your marbles are gone
All your marbles are gone
Aye yai they gone bye-bye
But your body goes on

You're insane and your brain doesn't work
Lost your mind, flipped your lid, you're berserk
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
You'll look good in white

So you spend every day at the farm
You play cards without a full deck
And the doctors shoot you full of new drugs
So you say listlessly, "What the heck?"

All your marbles are gone
All your marbles are gone
Aye yai they gone bye-bye
But your body goes on

© 1980 Craig Carothers / Bonny Black Music

ALL OVER ME

At a bar on the West side
Not far as the crow flies
I went looking for trouble last night

I thought she might be there
‘Cause we used to go there
And dammit if I wasn’t right

She was back in the corner
In the arms of a stranger
And it looked like they needed a room

So much for deliberation
In our trial separation
And the case of the gullible groom

Here come the heartaches again
Now I’m tortured by my memory
‘Cause the way she was all over him
I could tell she was all over me

Well, we had our problems
But I was sure we could solve ‘em
I thought we were doin’ all right

‘Til she took her anger
And clothes on the hangers
And left in a huff the other night

So I poured a double
Then I downed a couple
And I ended up here almost blind

Where my soon to be “ex”
Had already said “next”
And she seemed to be makin’ out fine

I remember that saying, “Seeing’s Believing”
And it’s hard when you don’t know the truth
So I guess I was lucky to find her so easy
Look’s like that’s how he found her too

Here come the heartaches again
Now I’m tortured by my memory
‘Cause the way she was all over him
I could tell she was all over me

All over me
The woman was all over me
The way she was all over him
I could tell she was all over me

© 1996 Craig Carothers / Denny Bixby / Irving Music BMI / Two Bagger Music BMI / Bonny Black Music BMI

IT’S A JUNGLE OUT THERE

When you insisted that I sleep in the yard
I laughed pretty hard
For a little while

But you weren’t foolin’
Now I’m here on the lawn
And though admitting I’m wrong
Is not my style

It’s a jungle out here
A whole lot of wild life
Creepin’ and crawlin’, the mercury’s fallin’
It’s gonna be a long night
I won’t make it til dawn
Though I might be right where I belong
Have mercy my dear
It’s a jungle out here

Shoulda built that patio
And bought that chaise lounge
Wouldn’t be here on the ground
With the snails and slugs

I know you’re in there prob’ly watchin’ TV
Not even thinkin’ of me
But I’m thinkin’ ‘bout you my love

‘Cause it’s a jungle out here
A whole lot of wild life
Creepin’ and crawlin’, the mercury’s fallin’
It’s gonna be a long night
Won’t you let me back in
Don’t leave me twistin’ in the wind
Have mercy my dear
It’s a jungle out here

I’d sleep in the dog house
But he sees it your way too
So much for man’s best friend

© 1996 Craig Carothers / Steve Seskin / Irving Music BMI / Two Bagger Music BMI / Bonny Black Music /
Kobalt Songs ASCAP / Sony-ATV Cross Keys Music ASCAP / David Aaron Music ASCAP

PLASTIC ROSE

I'm down here every night
All the bartenders know my name
It's all I've got left but that's all right
'Cause everything comes and goes
Except for my plastic rose

Mine is not a happy story
But I don't wanna bore you with details
It started with a Dear John candy-gram
That's just the way it goes
She sent it with a plastic rose

Plastic rose, plastic rose
Don't let me forget my plastic rose

You never have to water a plastic rose
Keep it in the box take it out for show
Never dies, never grows
Plastic American beauty rose

Baby ran away with a sugar daddy
Now they're livin' in a ranch style mobile home
In Vista Del Rey but it's not that bad
It ended on a happy note
Candy kisses and a plastic rose

Plastic rose, plastic rose
Don't let me forget my plastic rose

I'm down here every night
All the bartenders know my name
It's all I've got left but that's all right
I can hardly walk I'm glad I drove
Don't let me forget my Plastic rose...

Plastic rose, plastic rose
I won't let you forget this plastic rose

© 1984 Craig Carothers / Bonny Black Music

SHENANIGANS

I’ve got too much on my plate
Having fun will have to wait
I can’t get into that
So just get off my back

Just get off my back
Just get off my back
I have no time for your shenanigans

You hang out by the pool
Do you think I think you’re cool
Always workin’ on your tan
You’re such a girly man

Such a girly man
Such a girly man
I have no time for your shenanigans

Secretly, I long to be, I long to be like you
Do you believe, do you believe that's true?

Then you’re dumber than I thought
You're brain is just a dot
You insulated jerk
Some people have to work

Yeah, some people have to work
Some people have to work
I’ve had enough of your shenanigans

I’ve got too much on my plate
Having fun will have to wait
I can’t get into that
So just get off my back

Just get off my back
Just get off my back
I have no time for your shenanigans

© 2002 Craig Carothers / Don Henry / Bonny Black Music BMI / Poppermost Music SESAC